The Meaning of Happiness

Hmmmmmm...  The Meaning of Happiness... 

I kinda like Wikipedia's definition, as in it being "a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."  And it goes on to suggest that, "A variety of biological, psychological, religious and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources."

Every time we take on this line of thinking, though, doesn't happiness ultimately boil down to the last part of that statement?  I mean, the biggest challenge -- for you and for me -- seems to have so much to do with identifying the sources of happiness, or discovering exactly what makes us happy.

My guess is that a lot of folks are already thinking about money -- or the lack there of -- as one major cause of being either happy or unhappy.  Yet, a quick Internet search will find all sorts of wild tales about people who came into riches and quickly lost it all -- see "21 lottery winners who blew it all" and "Lottery Horror Stories That Will Make You Think Twice About Buying That Ticket" as examples of what I'm getting at. 

Closer to my kind of thinking...  Years ago, a friend asked me to stop at a convenience store in a not-so-nice part of a city back in Massachusetts.  As I waited in my car, I watched a pantomime starring a bedraggled young lady sitting on a curb and scratching lottery ticket after lottery ticket.  Oh, I might have felt badly for the young lady -- she truly was a mess, but I told my friend as she got into the car, "See that girl over there?  Even if she does hit big on one of those tickets, she'll be broke in no time, mainly because I can almost tell she doesn't have the skill-set or mentality to live smartly and make that money last."  

Honestly, I don't want to come off meanly on this topic, but please do consider what I'm trying to suggest.  Anyway, let me come back to the issue of money a little later.

Now, I'm an older guy, and I've seen and experienced plenty in my time on this planet.  My soulmate, Brenda, is 20-years younger than I, but she'll be the first to tell you that she's an "old soul".  In fact, we'd both been through a lot -- I mean a REAL lot -- before meeting, and I sense that has brought us to pretty close to the same feelings when it comes to happiness.

What do I think are the feelings we share on this topic?  I believe it's to put a premium on a combination of relatively good physical and mental health.  Oh, God and genetics will in a way determine those.  But so can Brenda and I influence both.  In fact, I don't think many folks will argue with the probability that our mental status will have a huge bearing on our physical health.  Ya, keeping a rosy attitude -- something that seems to come naturally to both Brenda and me -- seems the first step in our striving for happiness.

With my mom aging and ailing, we're now living with and caring for her in a nice retirement community in Central Florida.  If there's a problem, that puts us smack dab in the middle of a lot of sickness.  I mean, as many of my mom's neighbors drive walkers and wheelchairs as automobiles.  Making matters worse, such surroundings make it difficult for us to avoid talk about this ache, that pain, this illness and the person in apartment #___ who just passed away.  

Then, here's something interesting from my 40+ years in hockey coaching...  More times than not, I discovered that an oft injured or oft sick player was the son of a nurse or doctor.  I'm not kidding about that.  I great defenseman, who always seemed dinged in one limb or another, turned out to be the son of a top sports medicine doctor.  And the talented young forward, who was always quoting the Latin terms for the muscles that hurt him, was also the son of a doctor.  It didn't end there, either, because there were as many kids belonging to nurses who similarly limped on a regular basis, and weren't sure if they'd be able to participate in the next shift or the next game.  My thinking was/is that medical issues were a constant topic of conversation around their households.  And, while I'm not blaming anyone, I am pointing to the probability that thinking and constantly talking about unhealthy things leads one to, sooner or later, take on those very symptoms.

If I could add one more element to happiness -- beyond good mental and physical health, I'd have to suggest that happy people mostly do things they love.  Actually, I covered this pretty intently in an early post called "Performing Within Your Areas of Brilliance".  Case in point...  I spent a number of miserable years in a job others picked for me, and one that would sound pretty good from a distance.  Thank God I dared walk away from that job, to submerge myself in a sport and lifestyle I absolutely love.  Or, as that past article explains, I've been able to feel successful doing things I'm usually pretty good at.

Of course, the above has a lot to do with what we choose as a career.  At the same time, I have to suggest that it also involves what we do with our spare time.  

I can recall old friends telling me they got their relaxation from things like a hot bath, reading a good book, or taking a brisk walk.  If there was something wrong with those examples, my friends seemed just as tense and unhappy after doing what they said relaxed them.  ???   

Am I suggesting we shouldn't lie to ourselves about what does or what doesn't make us happier?  Ya, you bet.   

Summing things up to this point, I'll suggest that happiness can be found in 1) having an extremely positive attitude or mindset, 2) being reasonably physically healthy, and 3) spending the bulk of our time on things we truly love.
 
Personalizing all this...

I built what I believe is an awesome post around a video by my Internet marketing friend, Sean D'Souza.  The article is called "Three Obstacles To Happiness", and it gave me the opportunity to describe two things Brenda and I have found contributing to our good health and positive states of mind.  I'm talking about taking nighttime walks together right after dinner, and spending some time each afternoon at the swimming pool.  And, while it's by no means a scientific study, I truly believe I've felt worse during times when life got in the way, and we were unable to do those two very simple things.

When it comes to money, don't let any of what I said above sound like I don't like it or want it.  To the contrary, I've been both fairly well off and not so well off, and you can just imagine which I'd choose.  All I tried to convey earlier is that the green stuff isn't the end all to be all, and it isn't going to help us if we're not mentally and physically well, and mostly doing things we enjoy doing.

Then, one other thing about money...  

In Internet marketing circles, a lot is made about the negatives of trading time for money.  In other words, we punch a clock at 9am, punch out a 5pm, and only get paid on days when we do just that -- trading our 40-hours of labor for the weekly paycheck.  I'm not knocking all those who perform traditional jobs, and keep our economy and our American way of life going.  I'm only suggesting that there is also another -- maybe better -- way.

Ya, that other way is through what's referred to as "residual income".  That mode of making a living has been around for years, but it's even more prevalent today owing to the Internet.  In its most basic sense, digital and other products can now be offered online, and the sales can be carried out online without the seller's personal attention.

Understand that earning a residual income isn't necessarily easier, it's just different from a traditional job.  For example, I busted my buns to write the two books offered over in the right margin, and I can guarantee you that I spent more than 40-hours putting everything together.  What's different, though, is that I don't have to keep rewriting that book -- or keep producing one of my videos -- each time I record a sale.  As a matter of fact, I'm hoping my heirs keep reaping the benefits of those products long after I'm gone.  

Almost in the residual income category is my CoachChic.com membership website -- which takes an awful lot of behind the scenes work, and my new Hockey Talk Radio station.  

The similarity in all those projects is that -- while I have to work some long and hard hours for each, I'm able to choose the hours I wish to work.  In other words, if Brenda and I want to take a break and get some exercise in the pool, I can take time to do that.  If Brenda wants me to join her for a run to the store, I can do that.  And, if I want to take Brenda out for lunch or dinner, I can fit that into my schedule, too.

On the negative side, here's a big LOL I joke about often...  What I'm getting at is that I can't call in sick for a week, nor is anyone else going to do my work if I'm not able to.  Yet, if that's the worst of it, I'll take it

As a wrap up, I'd love to hear others' opinion on that all-elusive experience known as happiness.  Have I nailed it, or have I missed something?  Again, I'm saying that my version of happiness includes a relatively positive attitude, having reasonably good physical health, spending a bulk of our time doing things we really enjoy, and maybe having a job that permits relatively flexible hours.

Personally, I believe money is important to our happiness, and an adequate amount should mean that we worry less than those who toss and turn due to overwhelming bills.  Of course, "enough money" seems relative to me, because I know some with a lot of money who still worry about paying their bills, and I know as many with far less money having their financial life well under control.

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As a PS to all the above, I'm getting the feeling that this might just be the first post in a new blog site.  Ya, over recent days, Brenda and I have become involved in something new and exciting, and something we might want to tell our friends about.  To me, that new venture has a lot to do with nurturing a more positive mindset, in improving our physical health, in having the chance to do something very enjoyable for a living, in having flexible work hours, and in improving our financial status to about any degree we wish.

A Thank You to My Dad

I've gotten to like Facebook's new flashback feature, or the feature that shows things I was doing a year ago, two years ago, and going back to my earliest days on that social media site.  

As it turns out, I posted a link to the following story back on August 6, 2011, that link pointing to my long ago abandoned Hockey Diary site.

It was not sparked by Father's Day (as mentioned in the post), but instead I attributed it to receiving a "Like" from my Facebook friend Stevan Meek.  For, it was my remembering that Stevan was originally from Orange, Massachusetts, which reminded me of a Diary entry I did awhile back....  

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It's ironic I thought of this story early today...

I really wasn't thinking in the realm of Father's Day at all. Instead, my grandson had just given me the latest news from around the sports world (he likes doing that), and it caused me to think of the way I was as a kid.

Hmmmmmm, though... Where DID that fascination with the latest sports news come from, anyway?

Aaaaah... Flash-back to a summer day when I was about 10-years old. Our family was packed into the classic sedan, winding our way through the hilly country of Central Massachusetts, and on our way to what had become a traditional summer vacation in those days. Come to think of it, I can pretty closely fix the date, because we always headed to my uncle's farm up in Vermont for the two weeks surrounding the July 4th holiday.

If there was anything unusual about that vacation, it's that we were delayed a bit when the car broke down in a quaint little town (Orange, MA, I believe). Darn, that place was beautiful. But, more on that a little later.

One thing you ought to know is that most folks who lived in farm country back in those days could do most of their own auto repairs (and so could I by the time I was a teen). I suppose it was a necessity for many, although it was also possible back then -- before the auto industry complicated matters. (Ya, I look under a hood nowadays and I can't find or see half of what makes the car run; a lot of years ago, the space under a hood was almost empty, with nearly every part pretty easy to find and access.)

Anyway, we were probably fortunate to have the family car falter close to town. And, with that, dad managed to find a service station that promised to repair things -- within the day. Yup, just imagine... Mom, dad and us kids (although I can't remember how many of the five ultimate Chighisola kids were born by then and on that trip).

Thankfully, it was a beautiful sunny day. Still, what was a family to do to kill almost an entire day, and in a strange town to boot?

Well, when dad returned from the service station, he and mom announced that we were going to spend the day having a picnic in the town park. (All right!)

Did I say we were fortunate to get plunked in that tiny burg? You bet! For, everything -- I mean, absolutely everything we needed -- was within easy walking distance. I recall that mom (and some younger ones) headed to a small grocery store located just across from the park, while dad and I browsed through the magazine racks at the nearby newsstand.

Okay, so here's where that getting-hooked-on-sports-news thing comes into play... While I recall dad grabbing a newspaper or two for himself, he also asked if I'd like to buy something to read. Ha. I didn't have a clue, really. But, I ultimately settled for a thick baseball magazine that promised to help kill plenty of hours.

Shortly later, mom spread a blanket (she'd remembered to grab from the car), and then she began making sandwiches, these accompanied by chips, sodas, and even a few after lunch sweets. Darn, could it get any better for a 10-year old?

Oh, I can still remember the scene today... We're laying there on that blanket in the park, and from there one could see the rustic downtown to one side, plus a river and a mountain to the other side. And, to top it all off, I had a very, very interesting baseball magazine to peruse.

Ya, that magazine... I wonder to this day if it was just fate that had me grab a mag that gave a breakdown on every single Major League team, and every single Major League baseball player. Man, I devoured that thing (maybe more than once). And, by the end of the day, I knew every player in baseball, including the guys who sat on the bench.

It's possible that the above doesn't really click with a lot of my readers. I don't blame you if it doesn't. But, you may have had a similar experience -- with one special book, one special movie, one special whatever. In other words, something that really hooked you, or really changed your life (either in a big or small way).

I'm sure mom and dad were relieved that we were finally able to resume our journey to Townsend, VT by early evening. Nor was I disappointed to ultimately get to my uncle's farm. Ya, when you're 10-years old, it's a pretty big deal to help milk cows, watch deer come down from the mountain near dusk, to splash and chase fish in a frigid mountain stream, to watch the loggers work in Uncle John's woods, to see his team of horses pull a plow, to...

Still, after all these years, why is it I haven't forgotten that sunny day in Central Mass? Hmmmmm...

This aside... Dad passed away from Parkinson's Disease about a year and a half ago. I'm still able to call my mom every few days, though, since she's down in Florida where she and dad had ultimately settled.

Stories like the one I've just shared with you make her sad, however (darn). They only remind her of how much she misses dad, while I keep on trying to convince her that we have memories a lot of others don't. (Oh, I could go on about the family cookouts, camping trips, Whiffle Ball games or games of Home Run Derby in the backyard, Christmas Eve at mom's and dad's house -- even when I was older.)

Okay, so you're wondering why this story is really about dad. After all, he didn't pick the town we'd be marooned in, nor did he pick the magazine that would at least slightly hook me on sport (and maybe even on someday being a coach?).

Naw, what I'd like anyone who passes by here to appreciate is that different human beings could have reacted very differently to that kind of setback. Ya, can't you just hear someone you know swearing bloody blue murder, because fate screwed-up their vacation?

Nope, not my dad. It never crossed my mind that day that anything was all that wrong. He just kept smiling and making the most of things.

Oh, as a grown-up myself now, my guess is that the whole scenario was eating at his insides. But, he wasn't about to let-on; nor was he about to let something like that affect his family in any way. Again, he just kept smiling and making the most of things.

Lastly, my mom was certainly a party to all I've described. But, I'll bet she'd also feel that my dad was the one who could make the most of a bad situation. In a way, that was HIM.

So, on this special day -- especially since I'm not able to get to visit his faraway grave, I want to say, "Thanks, Dad. I can only hope a little of you has rubbed-off on me."

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A very Happy Father's Day to all of my friends.